; ULTIMATE BASTARD

Interesting revelations.

So, Judith talked to me on MSN. Think she needed to release her frustration and anger on Chong Jiahao before someone who understood and sympathised.

Understood and sympathised I did.

And horrified, disgusted, TURN-OFF, are understatements to the emotions I felt.

Private affairs such as this I usually will censor, or not even mention in this public blog. On an average of 100 views a day, I have no idea who's reading what.

But given the green light by Judith, I have no more such hesitation.

[J]uDtH: JOVINA
[J]uDtH: post everything in ur blog
[J]uDtH: i post everything in my blog
[J]uDtH: post name!

Firstly, she told me to blog about this. Using his name. (:
Secondly, I see no reason why I should attempt to further protect this disgrace, this SCUM OF SOCIETY.

I'm very tempted to just PASTE THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION. But to protect other parties who have not yet crossed the line, I won't.

Like Judith said, the unspoken rule of players, we PLAY but we don't LIE.

Haven't you learnt that Chong Jiahao?

Call me a bitch if you want, blame Michelle for telling me, yeah she should be prepared I will tell Judith one day, but think about it. I kept it to myself until this very moment. Even when Judith called me a week ago, I told her I'm sorry, but I am in no position to say anything. And I hung up before telling her anything.

But now? Why should I protect a bastard? Like Judith said, Girls help girls. Why should I cover up your lies and let another girl be hurt? Like Yinning, I should expose you for who you are. That girl did the right thing by messaging Judith and telling her to get over you. Disgusting FLIRT. That's what you are.

Quote from Yinning's Blog. "I've never met a more disgusting flirt like him -JH."

Sex sex sex. That's what you're all about. And I'll leave the sex part out of it. I don't wanna embarass Judith.

Breaking up with another girl, claiming that Judith's pregnant? GOD. HAHAHA. So you worry about pregnancy too? So STOP MAKING BABIES LA.

All that nonsense about the real Jiahao. THIS IS THE REAL JIAHAO YEAH? Face up to it.

And I have no right to ask about Alwin? Oh since when is Alwin your property? When I knew you flamed my tagboard, I could have bitched about you to Judith for revenge and get you into trouble. But even when SHE CALLED ME I kept my mouth shut. Saw no reason to lower myself to your standards and be a bitch. And btw, IT'S MY MOUTH. I can ask about who and what I want. Even Alwin have no right to tell me to stop loving him. It's my heart. I can love who I want. If he hates me, that's his business. And MY business. So who are you to comment on me and Alwin?

And you told Judith I was her subsititute? LOL. How many stories can you come up with? You told Wanwin that I was a flirt, and you didn't want to be the next fucker who gets played yeah. I can remember clearly, it was after she flamed Judith's blog, at Alwin's house.

[J]uDtH: he's a dam big farker
[J]uDtH: he tell every ger diff thing
[J]uDtH: in order so that he wun look like a bastard in ppl eyes
[J]uDtH: i tell him. go read all gers blog u get involved wif. i told him he's a bastard alrdy in ppl eyes

We all know you for who you are please.

I only told Judith about the dancing with girls part after I read her blog.

"he is a bastard. he flirt wif million of gers. dancing and most prob farking them!"

I thought she managed to dig out the truth herself. I only confirmed her suspicions. Unlike you, I know when to keep my mouth shut yeah? Why do you have to tell Iain that she liked her before? Not like you've never liked Judith's FRIENDS yeah?

[J]uDtH: he played wif my friends
[J]uDtH: telling them everything how much they shld trust him cos he relly like them
[J]uDtH: and also to many gers in friendster

So now she wants to tell your dad. And you're scared. Losing it huh? First you cry and beg her then you shout at her. First you called us liars, you denied every single thing you said. Coward. You made your own bed now you gotta lie on it. Please la. Why would we lie? Mich lie to me for fuck? Yinning and I lie to Judith for fuck? It's your relationship. Why should we bother? Only when Judith pushed you till you have nowhere esle to go did you admit what you did. And started telling her she has no right to confront your dad because she kissed another guy? WHAT NONSENSE.

You flirt both in real life and in the virtual world. Messaging girls on friendster telling them their cute and stuff? OMG. Why are you so goddamn desperate? Like Iain once said, you really define the phrase DIE FOR CHEEBYE.

Nobody's spinning tales about you. We have better things to do. The truth will come out eventually. And thanks to Yinning, it did.

[J]uDtH: does tt mean that he can go round spinning tales abt othrs
[J]uDtH: den i said u did it already
[J]uDtH: u can tell a ger u like her so much
[J]uDtH: but when u dun wan her
[J]uDtH: u tell ppl other things

I can't believe I still kept two messages you sent to me in my phone. One on the 22th May, the first time we went out alone. "Like the way you dressed :) pretty. Take care!" and another on the 1st of June, when we got together. "Baby! We're together, finally :) smiles. I was too tired last night, couldn't hold out. Love you baby."

hao - 30th : today i thought i had feelings for u
hao - 30th : lol
jovina.* : ...
jovina.* : lol.
hao - 30th: hmm
hao - 30th : but what if i have?
jovina.* : don't know.

Four days after I knew you. LOL.

hao - 20th : lol baby, ure a little mad bout that game
jovina.* : lol.
jovina.* : don't baby me please.
hao - 20th : why?
jovina.* : doesn't feel right.
hao - 20th : hm and why is that so?
hao - 20th : unless ure not treating me as one.
jovina.* : the thing is, i have a conscience and it pricks me everytime i read her blog and stuffhao - 20th : omg?
hao - 20th : why would u feel that way?
jovina.* : don't know.
jovina.* : lol.
hao - 20th : thats why i dont like it when u read her blog
hao - 20th : i dont wan u to feel that way
jovina.* : like, i can live on happily without you. she can't.
hao - 20th : becos whats in the past has passed
hao - 20th : i wont turn back or regret anything i done...
hao - 20th : i'm a total different person
hao - 20th : sigh, ure confusing me badly
* ?hao - 20th June SMOOVE @ CLUB MOMO - msg me for tix - still sick has changed his/her name to disappointed
jovina.* : i like hanging out with you. she loves you.
jovina.* : it's different okay?
jovina.* : she deserves you (:
my shadows t: i really need to say this.
my shadows t: she doesnt deserve me
my shadows t: i'm over with her for 2 and a half months.
my shadows t: i like u
my shadows t: but ure upsetting me
jovina.* : i'm sorry.
my shadows t: ure sorry?
my shadows t: wadever for
my shadows t: was hopin ya might say something more different
jovina.* : like?
my shadows t: nothing.
my shadows t: maybe i thought too much.
jovina.* : okay.
my shadows t: do u think i thought too much bout us?
jovina.* : i don't know what you thought about us.
jovina.* : you never told me?
my shadows t: i thought u might have treated me as a bf.
my shadows t: after today.
my shadows t: well, from the way i look at it, its not looking good..
jovina.* : i don't want anymore flings or relationships tt won't last.
jovina.* : i had enough of tt.
possum 2? -: u think i'm having a fling with u?
jovina.* : i guess.
possum 2 ? : erm no?
possum 2 ? : i dont like flings..
possum 2 ? : i dont noe why u'd think of me that way
jovina.* : i've only known you for a week.
possum 2 ? : when it comes to a r/s its not how long u noe that person, but how confortable and happy u are when ure with him/her
possum 2 ? : i am happy for who i am when i am with u..
jovina.* : tt's cos we're not together.
jovina.* : there's no stress involved cos we have no control or right over each other.
jovina.* : isn't it better this way?
possum 2 ? : so ya think i'll control u when we're tog?
possum 2 ? : how'd u when we're tog i wun be happy or comfortable?
possum 2 ? : or maybe u think i'm not good enough
jovina.* : when it comes t an rs i get really sensitive.
jovina.* : i'm not unreasonable, but il admit i get jealous and emo and all easily.
jovina.* : i don't want to tie you down.
possum 2 ? : ure saying all these now.
jovina.* : yeah before it gets too far.
possum 2 ? : i'll also get jealous. but thats when u abandon me!
possum 2 ? : ure saying all these now when i'm getting serious and all.
possum 2 ? : wad i'm tryin to say, well it may be a lil unfair to me?
possum 2 ? : dont u think so
jovina.* : unfair?
jovina.* : in what sense.
possum 2 ? : i'm getting serious..
possum 2 ? : its jus from my heart.
possum 2 ? : why would i wan to hold ur hand, kiss u or hug u jus for fun?
jovina.* : i don't want t be the next judith in your life. i don't want to make you miserable by tying you down.
jovina.* : now you're single and all.
jovina.* : aren't you happier? (:
possum 2 ? : u think i'm happier huh.
possum 2 ? : i'm happier when i'm single
possum 2 ? : but ure the sweetener.
possum 2 ? : sweetener becos u manage to make me feel happy when i'm with u
possum 2 ? : only u and iain can do that.
possum 2 ? : but with u, i feel really comfortable, happy and when i kissed u, i felt love.
possum 2 ? : u understand?
jovina.* : i guess.
possum 2 ? : sigh
jovina.* : don't sigh okay.. (:
jovina.* : we're listening to the same song!
possum 2 ? : but i guess ure the only one who's sick of love songs
possum 2 ? : i wanna hear it again
possum 2 ? : but its with u.
jovina.* : honestly. it's silly of me but after the last relationship, i'm afraid of them.
jovina.* : i don't want t get hurt again.
jovina.* : i rather live without love in my life.
possum 2 ? : .......
jovina.* : yeah.
possum 2 ? : i'll make it short
possum 2 ? : i'm ready to be with u.
possum 2 ? : but are u?
jovina.* : what if your ex knows you have a gf now?
possum 2 ? : so what
possum 2 ? : i mean its my life.
possum 2 ? : what can she say/do?
possum 2 ? : i'm over and done with her.
possum 2 ? : she should be happy
jovina.* : are you completely over her?
possum 2 ? : what do u think?
possum 2 ? : i still feel for her?
possum 2 ? : am i so mad or what?
jovina.* : i don't know.
jovina.* : lol
possum 2 ? : i'm completely over her
possum 2 ? : even when i read her blog a few days ago i felt nothing
possum 2 ? : not the slightest feeling
jovina.* : okay.

Read this, and compare it with what CJH said of me earlier. Subsitute huh? Reading through our logs was difficult for me. There are more, sweeter ones I couldn't bear to keep reading. I hate to admit it but I did feel a little affection for who I thought he was. Sadly, I was wrong. He turned out to be the complete package of an asswipe. Like Alwin said, if I was smarter I wouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place. But at least I was smart enough to dump him. Even though it was for other reasons. I didn't expect him to turn out to be this.. I don't know how to put it.

hao - chal: sigh
hao - chal: emo
hao - chal: sigh
jovina.* : why?
hao - part: nothing
hao - part: i know u have feelings for alwin, and he's like pushin u to me.
hao - part: i guess afterall, its still my fault
jovina.* : lol.
jovina.* : theres no point in blaming anyone.
jovina.* : what happened happened.

Back then he seemed such a good guy. I don't know what happened to him along the way. After reading through the logs all my anger with him dissipated, replaced by a sense of emptiness, or melancholia. Why did things turn out this way? Why do you have to show your true colours in the worst possible sense? Why?

Now I suppose you'll hate me even more. Blame me for everything if you wish. My conscience's clear. If you wanna bastard me in front of Alwin so that he would hate me even more, by all means, do so. If his friendship is worthy, he'd have faith in me. If not, maybe he's not worth my hanging on to anmore.

Judith told me to wake up. Wanwin too, countless times. I have to be strong.

Goodbye.