; officially missing you

your bark's worst than your bite.

people have been telling me this all the time, and wanwin rebuked me severly for this ytd, that i'm way too soft hearted for my own good. but still, i could sense j's desperation to know the truth, and the pain she's going through yesterday when she called me, and i can't help the sympathy unwittingly emote.

yes, she went back on her words, and returned to his side, but should i hate her for that? it was my choice to go against my heart and told her to seek her happiness, no? as usual, i selected the role of the noble and the good, even if it ended up bruising my tender pumper of blood.

when they got back together, i was steamrolled by bittersweetness. half that what i've been trying to do since day 1 is finally accomplished, another half that.. well, he's gone. even though his recent behaviour and actions now fill me with nothing but distaste, those 2 weeks spent like a couple was indeniably sweet, and very happy.

like ****** said, thank god he chose the other jt. imagine myself in her shoes now. and unlike her, i always have ways and means to gain information. never in the dark will i be kept. to think that it could have been me, and over time, if i fall deeply in love with him, what state of agony would i be in now? so in a way i lucked out. perhaps it's karma, i tried to do the right thing despite the selfish devil's protests, and now i'm spared from the possible pain he could have otherwise inflicted on me.

i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help girl, but i don't wanna get involved with you guys anymore. i am still your friend, but not when it comes to his issues. i want nothing to do with him. take care of yourself, and i hope you will be alright. good luck.